Can’t Unhave Them
Let me state this upfront: I do not hate parenting.
While I am at it, I should also declare that contrary to what I mutter every day when I get home, I do not actually hate my life.
So I had to smirk when I saw the headline on my July 12th issue of New York: “I Love My Children. I Hate My Life.”
This article seeks to present research studies that have shown that having kids makes parents less happy. If you define happiness as I do, by nights spent doing culinary tastings, drinking wine, and looking at art, then hell yes. I have been significantly less happy.
One of the theories presented in the article is that older and more affluent new parents tend to be among the unhappiest because they know what they are missing. Sign me up. Yes we need a bar at the Children’s Museum of Manhattan. We also need more baby and me disco, and while I’m at it, a good restaurant or two where she won’t be stared at like the Little Rock Nine on their way to school after the Brown v. Bd of Ed decision.
There are a lot of other factors explored: social welfare in other countries, mommy versus daddy perception, and divorce. I would get into all of them, but I need to get back to parenting and being relatively ornery.
I will end this posting with an admission that I tortured my love with stories about how having a baby would make me the happiest and most stable person around (studies have shown that those who have experienced loss of child through divorce or death were the people who most believed the child could bring them endless joy). I tortured him so regularly for so long that unless he starts seeing candy and rainbows coming out when I smile, I’ll be in trouble.
The most striking response to this is from a quote that came from a psychologist in the article: “They’re a huge source of joy, but they turn every other source of joy to shit.”
Sigh.
What I got from the article (as a single childless person at prime baby-making age), is that being a parent doesn’t make you MORE happy or happier for grammatical sake, but it doesn’t make you UNhappy either. I find it fascinating that I’m coming across an equal percentage of people who want kids to people who don’t want kids, and they all have valid points. It has so many degrees and levels, and it’s all so intricate…quite fascinating stuff -us humans
You’re right. The substance of the article does state that, however the headlines are really sensationalistic.
I agree. What if this kid on the front of the magazine sees this as an adult?? His mom holding him with that headline across the cover. Ya never know…could happen.
As an argument from the parent side: Although the young-child years are extremely demanding and a complete shock when compared to what most women (and men) believe having children will be like, I also think those years are relatively few in the span of one’s life. And being a mother is forever. I’ll happily trade my sanity and much of my social life for a handful of years for the privilege of enjoying my kids for the next 60 or so-and their children as well.